Monday, June 18, 2007

Anger

I have been such a grouch. It's probably PMS, but I'm not making excuses. Yesterday was Father's Day. I got Matt a CD and card from Zachariah. He loved the CD! I had planned to take him out after church for lunch. He was driving, so I told him to pick a place. I even named a few possibilities for him to choose from. Zachariah was being a little grumpy in the backseat. Mostly it was because he was hungry. I finally handed him a few crackers, and he was fine. When I asked Matt where we were going for lunch, he said "I'm driving home". I was a little upset, but I bit my tongue. I had planned to eat lunch out. Then we could have a nice Father's Day meal, and I wouldn't have to fix something at home.


And head home he did. When we got in the house, I headed for the kitchen so I could get something for the kid to eat before I put him down for a nap. Let's just say I was none too happy about having to scrounge up something to eat for him. Matt headed straight for the fridge and started pulling out things for himself. This made me mad. But again I bit my tongue. I just reached around him and pulled something off the top shelf for Zachariah. Well, I tried to carry too many things, and they all went toppling over. Baby food green beans fell on the floor. They hit the bottom of the fridge and splashed a lovely green all over the floor and Matt's pants and shoes. Oops. I got a rag to clean up the mess. Matt took off and wiped himself off. Once I got the fridge and floor cleaned up, I told him I was sorry when I walked past him. I didn't even get acknowledgement that I had spoken. He does this when he's mad. Him being mad made me madder. He had no right! It was an accident. And I felt like he was being completely selfish. HE had driven home, because he didn't think Zachariah would behave at a restaurant. The fact is he was only hungry, so it would have been fine if we'd gone somewhere. He is the one who was in my way when a cranky kid just wants food.

So, anyway, I fed the kid, then went to do dishes after I put him down for a nap. Matt was upset that I wouldn't eat. Grr, I was way to mad to eat. So, he spend the rest of the afternoon shut in the bedroom. I really didn't care either. Later in the afternoon, we had fun with Zachariah just forgetting (well, not completely) about earlier. Matt left to get a few things at the grocery store. Zac had just started fussing before he left, because he was hungry. I made us supper while Matt was out. When he got home we were almost done eating. I got up to put something in the oven for him too. He was upset when he came in the door saying "oh, I thought we'd go out". Well, you should have thought about that before you left me with a hungry child....AGAIN. He did not want me to make him dinner. So I didn't. I just went about the rest of the evening doing what I needed to and just ignoring him for the most part. Yes, this is how I handle anger. After I was done with everything and had put the child to bed, I went to our bedroom with the laptop to relax and surf the Internet. He kept coming in to hug on me, and he kept moaning that he was hungry. Oh well. I was not making him something at that point. I was civil to him the rest of the night, but that was about it.

THEN, then, he had the nerve to "want some" in bed. Not going to happen. Treat me like crap all day, then you want me to be nice to you in bed. I don't think so. AND I'm the one who dealt with the cranky teething kid all day. ALL DAY! On a weekend, on top of dealing with this for the past week! Nope. I'm not doing it.

OK, so I'm being pretty mean. I really don't mean it all. Just was a rough day. I think I need a break. A real break. Like a day to myself. This has never happened since the birth of our son. I've had a few hours or parts of days or days away with Matt. Never time just to myself.

A day later, this doesn't look so bad. We're being much nicer to each other today. I even picked him up at work and took him to lunch. It was good. It's all good. This is how it goes. The ups and downs of a relationship. I love him, that's what keeps me going. He loves me and cares for me, and that's what counts.

6 comments:

Swistle said...

Ug, I know just how these things go! Paul does the silence thing, too, and also the "giving up" thing--I don't know what to call it, but it's like when the baby just cries a little bit so the WHOLE DAY IS OFF, that kind of thing.

Devan said...

ugh! Sorry for the crappy day. It was making me mad for you just reading it!!
Men can be so stubborn and annoying. I'm glad that the next day was better though. :)

desperate housewife said...

I tend to be silent when angry, too, which never helps and makes Jim more irritable because he thinks I'm being hostile and passive aggressive. When more often than not I just really don't know what to say without making things worse. It's more an "I'm taking a breather to figure out how to politely explain to you what you're doing that is DRIVING ME CRAZY!" kind of situation.
I think probably you do need time to yourself. And I think Matt needs time with Zachariah by himself. A lot of times, dads seem to get all panicked and helpless just because a kid's being fussy and they think they don't know what to do. Usually the only solution is to just force them to deal with it alone and see that it IS possible!

Erica said...

I HATE days like those. It always seems to be one little thing that sets the ball rolling and then it's all downhill from there. And it's usually some form of miscommunication that could have easily be avoided.

Husbands. Sheesh.

Mommy Brain said...

I soooooo completely can relate to this post. From the "driving home" to the "wanting some" later. For me it's usually PMS. My husband has actually done a good job lately of recognizing those 2-3 days of the month that I am irrational. I've talked to my doc about it and it has something to do with how hormones mess you up after pregnancy. (Because now you have another person or persons to take care of and your body is all out of whack. Great.) My doc recommended a book by Christiane Northrup who gives info on herbal supplements and stuff you can take.

Of course, there are those times when it's really just my husband is being stupid. no hormones involved. :-)

Mommy Daisy said...

Swistle - That's exactly what it is "giving up". I HATE that. That is something his father does a lot, and I know that's where it comes from. It's one of the things that bugs me most about his dad when we're together for very long. One person says something negative about what we're doing, and he's done...won't even try it...we leave.

Devan - Thanks for the sympathy. I think we all know days like that.

DH - That's it- I'd rather NOT say anything because that will make it worse. Just leave me alone for a while. It was one of those days where is just kept adding up. And, I do need a break. Matt hasn't spent much (if any) alone time since I'm tutoring earlier in the day this summer.

Erica - That's how it went. Stupid things. Oh well, I guess we all have to deal with it.

Mommy Brain- So far it's not looking like my mood was PMS related, but he did acuse me of being rather moody for the last few days. I don't think I need an excuse. He's moody sometimes too, just because I'm a woman we need a reason for it. Nope, not this time.