Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I is for I'm Sorry

I need your advice. I was very rude to my sweet husband last night. I said something very mean. He ignored me and acted like nothing happen. He gets big points for being the bigger person. I still haven't apologized, though, and I do feel bad. But I still feel justified in what I said to him.

I was debating whether or not to tell you what I said. It was pretty mean (about as mean as I get and I don't get that way often, which is probably why I'm still stewing about what I said). OK, OK. When I got home last night from tutoring, Matt was getting dinner finished and serving up plates so we could eat. He had made lobster pasta and lima beans. Well, with the pasta I didn't really feel like beans too. (Honestly I could see that the pasta was a little overcooked, and he'd just told me that the beans were a little dry and bland.
ME: Don't put any beans on my plate, I don't want any.
Matt: Why not? (Gives me a strange look.)
ME: I just don't want them.
Matt: (huffing) Well, then what kind of vegetable do you want me to make you?
ME: You don't have to make a different vegetable just for me.
(Supper was already ready to eat, so I didn't want to mess with making more stuff at that point. I'm not usually picky and it doesn't matter, they just didn't sound good.)
Matt: Well, you HAVE to have a vegetable.
ME: I had more vegetables than normal with lunch.
Matt: But you need more, you need some with supper too.
ME (here comes the nasty): When did YOU become my mother?

That's it. That's what I said. He just didn't talk to me for a few minutes and just finished making up the plates. I was still stewing about what he said for a while. I figured he'd be mean and rude to me for the rest of the evening (past experience talking), but he just let it roll off his back. We were fine the rest of the evening. But here I am the next day still thinking about it. I was truly offended by what he said (and how he acted) towards me, but I still don't think that justified me being rude to him. At this point Matt has forgotten about.

What would you have done in my shoes (when it happened)? What would you do now?


Jana said...

I probably would have said something similar, honestly (especially with my current pregnancy hormones). Except it most likely would have been over broccoli (ick).

Perhaps another apology this evening would help? Even if he's forgotten about it, it would make you feel better at least.

You could even do something really nice for him in addition to the apology...a foot rub, massage, fix him a banana split, etc. For men (in my limited experience), actions speak louder than words.

Anonymous said...

I think it's important to apologize when you feel you were wrong. I'd say exactly what you did here: While you were angry with what he said/how he treated you, that was no excuse to be nasty and you're sorry. And let him know you'd appreciate it if he wouldn't "mother" you like that.

Smiling Mom said...

Apologize, don't qualify the apology. (I think he got it last night.) Then take him in your bedroom and lock the door.... I think the rest of my sentence is implied. :-) Have fun!

Misty said...

i would have said something similar.

Maybe the problem isn't what you said, but what you didn't say. You told him that you didn't want them, but then you blogged about how the pasta looked over cooked and the beans were said to be dry.

Sometimes silly things happen like this because of the things we don't say. I don't know, does that make sense? Not that you should have said "it looks like you did a crappy job, buddy", but maybe there was something he wasn't saying too...

My guess would be that dinner wasn't going well for him, and he needed you to back him up and eat it to validate that he was needed and appreciated...

sorry. I psychoanalize everything.

d e v a n said...

I have to say, that doesn't sound that bad. Maybe not the most mature thing to say, but if you don't want beans then who cares?!

I'd let it go.

K in the Mirror said...

My husband doesn't cook that often, and so I feel like I should always eat everything when he tries. I don't know why though, since he seems to have no problem telling me when one of my recipes hasn't hit the mark.

Maybe he could have been more tactful, but I do think it's kind of sweet that he's worried about your veggie intake. :) If you're worried about the exchange, just apologize again, and then let it go. I bet you anything he's forgotten- guys don't stew over stuff like this nearly as much as we do.

jennifer said...

See? You are so much nicer than me. I wish the meanest thing I'd said to my husband was "who made YOU my mother."

Apologize, but only because it will make you feel better.

saly said...

Hub and I have this habit of saying things that we don't mean, and honestly, if we apologized all the time, it's all we'd ever do. We tend to let the little things slide.

LEt us know what you did!

desperate housewife said...

I was with Devan, I don't think it was THAT bad. You guys must be awfully polite to each other usually! But if you said it in a mean way and know that it probably hurt his feelings, I'd give a quick apology. And maybe make him something he esp. likes for dinner?

jen said...

I'm late to the party as usual, but I'm with Jennifer, and Misty too. I can totally empathize with Misty's post, a ton of things I've taken offense to because of what was not said.