Sunday, July 27, 2008

Heartbreaker **

I haven't experienced too much heartbreak in my life. As I wrote about in this blog post, my husband and I got together when we were young and just stayed together. But there is one person's heart who I broke. (The short version is at the end of this.)

When Matt and I were dating I found out there was a guy (let's call him Andy) who liked me. He went to church with me, and I always thought I'd date (maybe marry) a guy from my church. He had just moved to the area a few years before, and we had before pretty good friends. He was a little odd, though. I can't explain it exactly, but Andy lived in his own little world. But that's OK, everyone has a few quirks and many of my friends had some anyway.

Andy and I participated in activities together, and we had long talks from time to time. At some point I realized that things were different between us. I thought that he was falling for me. I had a boyfriend...a serious boyfriend. The more I worried about his crush on me, the more I starting liking him for more than just a friend.

After talking to Matt about these feelings, he urged me to go out for an evening with Andy. You get it out of my system (I never dated anyone before Matt). So, I did what any stupid teenage girl would do, I went out with Andy.

We just went to dinner and a movie. But we were THE ONLY ONES at the movie. And he totally did that yawn & reach his arm around me thing. Ugh. But the bad part is that he never put his arm around me. Dinner was light and chatty and ... friendly. So when we came back to my house, we talked for a while too. When it was time to go I walked him to the porch. He stood there looking at me awkwardly and then openly admitted that this was the first date he'd ever been on and he didn't know how to end it. (First I should let you know that he was 18 years old and about to start college in a few short months. See? I told you he was a bit odd.)

So, where were we? Oh yes, standing awkwardly on the front porch together. So, I did what a nice Christian girl should do, I held out my hand for a handshake and said "Well, have a nice night", turned and went back into the house.

It was the worse date I'd ever gone on. I knew without a doubt that I did not want to be with Andy.

The problem was it was the best (*ahem* and only) date Andy had been on. And he wanted me to leave Matt and date him exclusively. And he wanted to marry me. And he knew, just knew, that I was the wife that God had given to him.

What? He got all of that from one date? Seriously? Even when I got a totally different feeling?

I avoided Andy for a few weeks. When we finally talked, I let him know that things were great between Matt and I. I really wasn't looking for something else.

He continued sending me small gifts, writing me poems and letters, and following me around whenever we were together. But he did respect my relationship with Matt.

Andy went away to college that fall. And he was still heartbroken. So was his mom. She really liked me and was hoping for someone like me for her son. But it wasn't meant to be.

I went on with my life. He didn't go on with his. We were still friends, but I didn't go near him when I wasn't with Matt or a family member. He claimed that he loved me until the day I married Matt. Then he knew there was no hope we'd get together.

Now that is heartbroken.

**Edited to add (since everyone seems really worried about how Andy turned out):
Andy is happily (as far as I know) married now. He found a girl who I hear is a little odd. In other words, perfect for him. I think he's over me now. Once in a great while our paths cross if he's visiting family while I am too and we both happen to go to our home church at the same time. I don't talk to him though. He did and said some things publicly that really embarrassed me, and we're not really friends any more.


Rachael said...

What a hard situation. When you know it's not right and the other person is so young (and naive?) and thinks it's true love and should be forever. I hope that someday, Andy found his 'Matt'.

Domestic Spaz said...

How sad... I hope Andy has found his someone.

Anonymous said...

Poor guy. Do you know if he ever moved on?

Anonymous said...

There was a girl who had a thing for my husband-- even after we were married. I don't think he broke her heart, but I do remember the awkwardness of that whole experience.

I'm glad he was able to move on. :)

Ry said...

Fantastic take on the heartbreak theme. I really love this one, especially the follow up because by the end you got me wanting to know what happened to poor ol' Andy.

Wonderful post!

d e v a n said...

Wow, how open minded of Matt! Glad Andy turned out alright. :)

Roger said...

I don't think that you could have handled that any better than what you did, Kudos to Matt for being there for you, and being open to you going out on a date with 'Andy.'

Jana said...

Poor Andy. I'm so glad he found someone who was able to march along with him to his own little drummer.

Wendy said...

he needed to learn the "she's just not that into you, dude" theory... I'm glad all ended well.

Saly said...

Thi almost akes you go "poor guy" but then, hearing about him being creepy.....

I like this post. I read it last night when I couldn't sleep. :)

Pam said...

I'm glad he moved on as he could easily have been stalker material (you being his first love and all). I'm glad things all wroked out.
I'm sorry to dump this on you but I tagged you. Hope you don't mind. If you don't want to do it I totally understand and I'm not one for tagging usually.

Honey Mommy said...

Love can be so complicated sometimes. It is really heartbreaking when love cannot be returned.

Great post!

kristi said...

Sounds like you made a great choice! Your hubby sounds so understanding!