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Wednesday, January 31, 2007


For all those moms out there who have been feeling guilty. Every mother goes through it. :)

Junk Food

By Marsha Jordan

Are you the type of person who eats when you're stressed? I am. I eat when I'm stressed, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, and when I'm tired. I believe there's a food for every mood.

I eat for any reason at any time. I eat when I'm watching television, I eat while riding in the car, and I even eat while sitting at the computer. There are enough crumbs in my keyboard to feed a troupe of boy scouts. Every once in a while, I just shake it over the table and announce to the husband, "Dinner's ready!"

I eat too much, too often. Since I was a kid, I've had a weight problem. I could never weight for the next meal. I began wearing a girdle to school in kindergarten, and I've been on diets for most of my life.

I recently began yet another new eating regimen. Forbidden food groups include appetizers and desserts, anything processed or fried, and anything with meat or dairy products in it. I must also avoid all foods seen on TV commercials or restaurant menus. I cannot eat anything prepared by my grandma, Aunt Hildegard, my third cousin twice removed, or any other member of the family. It's called the Oriental Diet. I can eat all I want from the specified food list (celery, kale, bok choi, and those tiny ears of corn), but I must use only one chopstick.

This week, I've failed miserably at sticking to my eating plan. I've had an insatiable appetite for junk food. In addition to a dumpster load of Hostess Twinkies, I've devoured roughly eleven cases of raspberry Fig Newtons and eight and a half pounds of extra crunchy Cheetos. I can't be sneaky about it either. When the husband asks if I've eaten all the Cheetos, how can I look innocent when my fingers and teeth are orange?

Wouldn't you think that after stuffing myself with junk food all week I'd be satisfied? I'm not. In fact, the more I eat, the more I crave. If I continue this way, I'll need a front end loader to lift my carcass out of the Lazy Boy.

To make matters worse, I don't get enough exercise. But I really can't do much that's physical, because I think I pulled a fat cell. I'm barely able to crawl to the kitchen for six square meals a day.

I really need to lose weight. I want to know how it feels to bend over and tie my shoes without cutting off the blood supply above my waist and feeling as if my intestines are being pushed out my ears. It would be great to zip my jeans without fainting from lack of oxygen. So I must get back on track. I'll paste on my refrigerator door that old proverb uttered by some wise sage: "If it tastes good, spit it out."

From now on, I'll plan my meals around a main dish of parsley. Only nutritional foods will pass my lips, like rutabagas, spinach, and celery -- stuff that takes half an hour to chew. By the time I swallow them, my aching jaws will be too tired to munch extra-crunchy Cheetos or anything else. Now if I could only figure out a way to make veggies taste like turtle cheesecake.


Marsha Jordan is the author of "Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter": (Amazon info)

Visit her official website:

Copyright 2007 Marsha Jordan. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.


The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.


PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Green Acres?

Don't most children/toddlers like cartoons? Most parents I hear talk about their children sitting and watching Blue's Clues, Dora, and other such shows for toddlers. Even Baby Einstein seems appropriate for most young children. Ok, my child has never really wanted to watch television, which I'm ok with. I prefer that he play and interact with us than sit in front of the TV. But in the evenings Baby spends time with Daddy while Mommy tutors. After being with Daddy for about an hour, Baby is at his wit's end. So, Daddy cuddles with Baby in the rocking chair and they watch "Green Acres". Yes, I'm talking about the old 1960's comedy with Eva Gabor. This has become a habit over the last few months. So much so that when Baby now hears the theme song, he drops what he's doing and looks at the TV. It is hilarious! I have gone as far as downloading the song on my laptop, so I can play it for him. He comes right over to the computer and turns it so he can see what's on the screen. Then he's disappointed when he doesn't see the show, and he turns to the TV trying to see if it's on there. Daddy told me tonight that when the show came on TV Baby dropped his toys on the floor, squealed in delight, and then went right over to the TV. He said it was cute! Too bad I missed it. Oh well. My mother thinks it's so funny that out of all shows, he likes Green Acres. I was actually thinking about buying him the first season on DVD for his birthday. Just had to share our interesting child with you. I'll try to share more pictures sometime. They're all on my desktop.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


So, here we are at day 12 after we first spotted Chicken Pox on our son. The poor little guy had red spots all over his body. This picture was taken the day after we first started seeing the horrible red spots. Fortunately, Zachariah didn't seem to get too bad of a case of these Chicken Pox. He was fussing and sleepy for the first few days, but then he slowly got better. We have just kept him home since he first broke out. I don't want to risk him spreading these to anyone else.

It's funny that we never did figure out where he got these from. He's not around other children much, and none that we know of had Chicken Pox. Oh well, another of lifes mysteries, I suppose. I never thought with a vaccine for this that I'd ever have to worry about my children getting it. But unfortunately Zachariah is too young to receive the vaccine, and they say that babies do not usually get them even when exposed. Pooey on them! (Whoever they may be.)

I guess I'll just count my blessing, because this is the first illness that Zachariah's had. He has been extremely healthy (not even the sniffles). So a few days of tiredness, I can handle.

Next week we'll get him out of the house and get back to our normal routines. I'm sure that we'll have to adjust again, but that's not a problem. We'll get back into the swing of normal life soon enough.
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