Thursday, September 18, 2008

What I must speak of

I do try to hold back certain things on this blog. But the truth is to my knowledge only a few people I know in real life read this blog. And I respect that they'll keep my musings here private. I'm putting that out there so you all know. And also because I want to talk about something. It's things that I haven't told many people. And I will keep it quiet from my family for the most part too.

Matt and I have decided to start trying to get pregnant. I don't normally announce this to people, which explains why I won't tell my family about it. But I feel like you, my readers, are my girlfriends, and it's something I want to tell you. I also want to be able to talk about it somewhere, and this is the best place for that. Plus I know you all will have encouragement and advice for me.

We had some problems trying to get pregnant before. Well, not necessarily problems, but it did take us a while. We did not seek any help and just let nature and most importantly God lead the way. I think I will want to talk more about my past infertility in another post.

All that said, let me tell you I am excited about trying for another baby. I can't wait to have another little snugly newborn to hold and care for. I also loved being pregnant and am excited about the joy that brings.

As much as I'm excited, though, I probably have more worries. First, will it take us a long time to get pregnant? I hope not, but I'm preparing myself for that. That's all I know so far, so I tend to think that's how it will be this time too.

I am concerned because I have not lost the weight I wanted to. I really want to lose more weight before getting pregnant, so I will be healthier and a better mama for it. I'm at the point that I don't want to put it on hold right now, though. So I will be working on losing weight while we're trying to conceive (well, not at the exact same time...geesh).

I also worry about being able to afford a baby. I know that we can, but I still worry especially with our economy where it is right now. I don't know how it will work out for me to continue tutoring with two kids, but for now that might have to be the way it happens. At some point we plan for me to quit that altogether, at least in the formal center like I'm at now. I might still be able to swing some tutoring privately after that.

And of course I think about how this will change the dynamics of our family. I think it will be a great thing, and I know Zachariah will be a great big brother. But I know that I'll have less one on one time for him for a while. As always we will adjust, and it will seem like that's our normal. And it will be our new normal. I look forward to that.

So tell me, what were your biggest concerns when you were trying to get pregnant? Were they different each time?

And with a nevous tummy I will hit publish on this post.


Ashley said...

Congrats! How exciting! Our first was an oops but the second was planned. I think the biggest concerns for me getting pregnant was the worry of miscarriage, I had no history of it but it still scared me. There was also the months going by while trying to get pregnant with our second, I started to freak out but then made a concrete decision to chill the F out and then viola, I got pregnant right away. I really think there is something to staying calm, every part of our body is connected you know? Try not to worry about putting this news out there, I think all the support you have the calmer you will be and the more fun you will have taking the journey, between the sheets and out ;)

jen said...

I'm so excited for you! :)

I did not have time to think about fears with my 2nd because I got pregnant pretty quickly. But then afterwards I had many of the same fears as you. That I'd be ruining L's life. That it would ruin our little dynamic of "just the three of us" and that I wouldn't like the baby as much as her, or not have time for her. But that stuff vanishes the moment you hold the baby, I promise. :)

There are honestly some days I miss those old days, but that's more nostalgia than anything.

Good luck, and I hope it happens fast for you this time! :)

bananafana said...

we took a long time to get pregnant with #1 (probably stressing too much) but we were really relaxed about trying for #2 and it happened the first month.
my biggest worry before I got pregnant was could we afford it time wise and financially. The financial just worked out once the time came. Once I was pregnant, the time thing still concerned me. O still gets jealous of our time and I still get a little sad that we can't just pick up and do things "just the two of us" any more like we did. But we knew we wanted two and I love the idea of holidays with two kids! I know that O is sacrificing alone time with us but I'm hoping that a playmate and someone to share his childhood with will make up for that down the road. my siblings and I are really close so I hope my kids have that same experience
Congrats on trying again! I hope it happens quickly and you look forward to all the planning (and changes!) with lots of excitement

Nowheymama said...

Yay! This is so exciting!

Go get yourself a copy of "Waiting for Birdy" to read about the emotions of going from one child to two.

Take good care of yourself, and know that everything will work out for the best, no matter how it happens.

d e v a n said...

Congratulations and thanks for including us!! :)
Everything will work out.

Heidi said...

First of all I totally think that the losing weight while concieving is a genius idea. Sweat it off! (ok, too graphic, sorry) But you will be just fine, the reason is because you ARE thinking ahead to all the possible speed bumps that may occur, and you will find solutions to each and everyone of them. It will be great.... Trust me.

Ashley said...

OOOOO I second Waiting for Birdie, Linda loaned that book to me and I fell in LOVE with it!

Pam said...

I had some of your concerns, especially about not loving number 2 like number 1, and feeling bad that maybe number 1 would be left out. But friends have told me that you love the new baby just as much and that a sibling enriches a child's life so much.
I wish you the very best of luck getting pregnant. I'm so excited for you!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, how exciting! I know you've wanted another baby for quite awhile now.

I can't wait to hear the good news when it happens!

Mommy Brain said...

I'm so excited for you! I will say that I know a lot of people who had trouble getting pregnant the first time then had no problem with pregnancy #2+. This includes people who had to use fertility drugs or even IVF for their first pregnancy. So don't stress!

Obviously, we went from 1 to 2 kids in 60 seconds so things are a little different. But, I do really, really, really love that they have each other and I almost feel sad for kids that don't have a sibling to grow up with. Plus, we do make an extra effort to have 1:1 time with each child.

Keep us posted!

Jana said...

Congratulations! I was wondering when we'd hear some good news.....

I really stressed about how the older child/children would react to a younger sibling who needed so much attention. Sydney did fine since she was 3.5 years when Liam arrived. Liam had a more difficult time being only 18 months old when Evan was born. I think Zachariah will do just fine since he'll be a little over 3 years old. He'll be more of a helper and not as as jealous.

You might want to read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" if you become worried about things taking too long. When we were having fertility issues, it really helped me learn my own body signals and we didn't have to rely so much on medical intervention (obviously not an issue with Evan :) ).

Kelsey said...

After the year we've had, I feel like I could be the poster child for things not going the way you expect - so don't worry about the planning too much, things will fall into place. I will tell you that even after all the scary drama and uncertainty I look at Michael and I don't regret a moment of it!

Alli said...

Congratulations! My biggest concerns the first couple times were being able to afford the new baby, but time and time again God has proven His faithfulness by providing for our every need. No worries about that now.

I hope all goes well. I'll pray for you.

Lots of love.

kel said...

I was worried about all the things people have already mentioned- how long it would take, miscarriage, time alone with the first one, ... and it turns out that time with the second one is more of a hassle to find. G is already used to going with me everywhere and expects to continue doing that, and I have to work harder to find alone time with L.

It's so totally worth it though, and 3 years has been a very good age spread for us. He'll be old enough to help a bit and be excited about "his" baby. :) Congrats and have fun- don't stress it.

Musings of a Mom said...

Exciting! We decided not to have any more kids for financial reasons and now I'm kind of wishing we hadn't made that decision... so GO FOR IT! I truly believe God will provide all you need.

Anonymous said...

Woo hoo for you! How exciting!! Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

Actually, there's an excellent chance you COULD be losing weight while you are TTC!! ;)

My only advice is to live your life as you want to live your life while you are trying to get pregnant. If you want to exercise and lose weight, DO IT. If anything it will get your body healthier and help you to be more relaxed.

Everything will be wonderful. I am so excited for you. And a bit jealous, too. The prospect of a new baby is the greatest excitement ever. And a new baby? Well, that's the greatest blessing ever.

Good luck!