Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Break Up?

I am feeling really blah. I want to talk about it, but I'm having a hard time forming enough thoughts to pull together that make sense. Does that ever happen to you? No, maybe it's just me.

Usually when I sit down to compose a blog, I do it rather quickly. (Duh, I'm sure you've gathered that from reading my posts.) But I think tonight the only way to share what I'd like to share is to start this post and work on it throughout my evening. Matt is away for the night, and I'll have the house to myself very soon after Zachariah goes to the bed for the night. It will give me plenty of time to think and form my thoughts into a readable blog post.

On Friday afternoon I had a bit of an argument with a close friend of mine. I thought it was just a bit of a disagreement, but she was so mad at me. She made it clear that she didn't want to talk to me again. And basically "broke up" with me, I guess you could say. All of that without me saying a thing. I felt like I was in the back of the room, not seeing anything, and saying "What in the world is going on here?"

We were chatting on IM and in the discussion we were having she started getting really upset with me. Defensive, really. So I told her I didn't want to argue about it right now. Maybe we could discuss it again later. Then I said goodbye and left the conversation. Apparently that pushed her over the edge.

Without any chance for me to explain, she acts as if she's washed her hands of me. She sent a hurtful message to me later when I wasn't around. I was upset, but I thought I'd let her cool off a bit then try to smooth things over. I didn't feel like I did anything wrong, but I didn't want to lose a good friend over such a minor issue. I thought about calling her, but honestly I was afraid she'd yell and scream at me or just hang up the phone. And that would just hurt me more.

So instead I decided to wait and see if we could both calm down and maybe talk about it in a few days. Maybe we could get together again and talk things out in person.

I guess that was not to be. The next afternoon she sent me a truly nasty e-mail telling me not to bother calling her (among other things).

And that's what I've done. I haven't even tried contacting her, because I think it will just make her madder. But I don't understand how she could throw away our 4 year friendship over such a minor thing. So so minor. I don't even understand why really.

There is a battle inside me. Part of my wants to be mean and nasty right back to her. I want to tell her about all the times I was there for her as a good friend, since she felt it was necessary to point out things in my life. I also want to say that she didn't display any sort of good character by being mean and saying all the things she's said to me.

Then my real self says, nope, you don't need to sink to her level. Be the bigger person. Repair the friendship. Apologize (for what I don't know) and try to work through this with her.

That is who I really am. That is what I should probably do. But for now I'm too hurt to even talk to her. I haven't signed into my IM for days. Just seeing her name pop up there once in a while upsets my stomach. I don't know if I want to repair a friendship with someone who could do this again. I'm better than that, and I deserve better than that.

Such a big conflict. So much drama. I'm not about drama. I think that's what's really getting me the most. She's being very dramatic, and I won't do that. It's just now who I am, and it's not who I want to be. We're adults here, let's act like it.

I don't really know what else to say about it. I guess those are my emotions in a nutshell. And I'm open to any advice you might have. Or just tell me what you would/have done in a situation like this.

For now I am praying for my friend. I still love her. I miss the relationship we have/had. I care abour her family, and I have great memories of things we've done together. So, I am praying for patience and guidance and wisdom in this situation.

Also, I have to say...I'm so glad I never told her about this blog. I almost did, because I tell just about everything to this girl. I just didn't know if I could bring myself to tell people about it, and I am very glad I didn't. Now I have somewhere to vent and talk about it and seek other advice.


Nowheymama said...

I liked what you said about "your real self," and I think you should go with that, whenever you are able. It sounds as if you really know yourself and know that it would bother you if you didn't at least give it one more try.

bananafana said...

is it possible that she thinks you're writing her off because she hasn't heard from you and is just reacting badly to that? I'm much the same way with not liking drama but I also don't like conflict and it's in my nature to try and fix things. I think I would tentatively send her some kind of message that you know she's upset, you're sorry that she is and you'd like to work it out when she's ready and then let her make a move. I think I'd extend the hand and let her take it if she wants.

Anonymous said...

Your "real self" is the better person. Seems she is upset over something more than your minor disagreement and I think you're best to let it ride. Hopefully you can be friends again, but the hurt will always be a memory for you. I'm sorry this happened.

d e v a n said...

I'm sorry. I would try to apologize, make amends and then let it go. If she doesn't want to be friends then so be it. You might be better off without her, but you'll probably always feel bad if you don't try.

andria said...


I don't know her, but it sounds to me like she's a tad immature or self-absorbed to react in such a way to something minor in such a passive-aggressive sort of way.

If it were me (and remember, I am not you, you gotta go with your gut on this), I would likely walk away from it. If I saw around I'd still be friendly, but I wouldn't go out of my way to initiate anything. I have way too much drama in my life with my three children and bellyaching husband to add that kind of friend to my list.

I am sorry you're feeling blue.

Alli said...

{{{hugs}}} That's hard. I'm praying for you. FWIW, I think you've done the right thing so far, but should definitely try to talk to her again in another week or so. Maybe you should tread lightly and guard your heart for a while, but you certainly don't want to throw things away over one minor situation.

Hope you feel better soon. I've been through similar situations and it pretty well sucks.

Lots of love to you.

CP said...

I too would want to "fix" things and make them right. I can't stand knowing someone is mad at me, even when it's not my fault. But, perhaps a week or two of cool down is what she needs to realize she probably overreacted. Then maybe you could send an email that you'd like to have coffee and catch up or that you are always open to hearing from her.

JS (Magic of making up) said...

Don't allow the breakup to ruin your life.If you do decide to make the changes to yourself and your behaviors that will make your relationship run much smoother, you have to be careful not to let other things limit your chances of getting back together.
Magic Of Making Up

Pam said...

Time is a great healer. I'd wait a week then extend the hand of friendship. I wouldn't apologise for something I didn't do though and it doesn't sound to me at least that you did anything wrong.
I feel sad for you that this happened - I hope you guys make up.

JS (Magic of making up) said...

That's true.. Time will change many things in life. Things look a lot brighter when you have someone to hold your hand through the rough times, and getting your ex back can be one of the most confusing and difficult things you ever try to achieve in your life...
Magic of Making up