Happenings that make me feel crazy

Ahh, I don't even know what to post, but I feel like I should post something. It's been pure craziness around here. I still don't feel settled after our vacation. We've had so many things happening.

Last week I was unpacking, cleaning, organizing around the house. Matt was away 2 different nights and Saturday morning for the local battle of the businesses activities. That just made things harder, because I was being the sole provider of my two-year-old's needs. It meant he was whinier in the evenings and needier in the afternoons. And several days he went without seeing his daddy at all. Saturday afternoon I had to leave Zachariah at home with Matt, because I had a Pampered Chef Wedding Shower to do for my friend. That went great and when I got home Matt reminded me that there was an event at a place I used to work. At the last minute we decided to go, and we had a blast even though we were both so tired. Zac got to play with Addy for a little while too, so he thought that was great. Of course I think he just found her irresistibly cute in her fluffy, pretty dress.

On Thursday afternoon we learned that Matt's grandfather passed away. He's been in the hospital for several weeks now and had some ups and downs. But in the last week we knew he was not going to live much longer. More things kept going wrong for him, and he was not healing like he should have been. Technically this was Matt's step-grandfather. He married Matt's dad's mom about 20 years ago. Matt's grandmother passed away 4 years ago, so he's been on his own since then. Even though Matt wasn't really close to this grandfather, it's the only grandpa that he'd known (the other two died when he was really young). This was also his last remaining grandparent. And it makes 5 grandparents (and great-grandparents) that the two of us have lost in the last 5 years. It's a lot to take in, but we do know that he's in a better place.

We left Sunday afternoon for the visitation. We stayed overnight with my parents, then went to the funeral on Monday. Zachariah was really great through it all. Thank goodness. After everything on Monday we came back home.

Then the crazy schedules continued. Matt went straight to a meeting that night. I was left home alone with Zachariah and needed to do something for dinner yet. When Matt suggested taking him to McDonald's I started thinking that might be a good idea. As much as I didn't want to leave the house again, I didn't think I could make it through the evening by myself with him. I don't usually take him out...especially for fast food, so he thought this was a treat. I took him to a nearby McD's that has a new playplace. He was so excited. I only made him eat a little bit, then I let him go run around. Most of the equipment was too big for him, but there is a little area for younger kids and that was perfect. I came ready with a book, so I went back there and sat on a bench right by where he was playing. We were there for an hour and a half. I think it helped having that short time to de-stress a little. Zachariah was easy to put to bed later. And when Matt came home he brought me a rose and a bottle of fruity wine. He knew I was stressed and thought that might cheer me up. It did. He's so sweet. Unfortunately I didn't get to drink the wine, because it wasn't cold. But tonight, it's all mine....well, not ALL.

Tomorrow the center where I tutor is taking a field trip to the zoo. I will be driving a large van full of kids to a destination just over an hour away. And I'll be toting my toddler around with us ALL DAY. We went last year, but Matt came and helped. Hopefully Zachariah will just have fun and will handle being out all day. I've been asked to work some extra hours this week to fill in for other people (we have several on vacation at once), and I'm hoping I can handle it. Today I talked to Matt (while I was writing this post, because I got a call from one of the leaders that I work with) about how this job is starting to get to me a little bit. I have always loved this job. I've worked there for 4 years now, and I love so many things about it. I'm there to tutor children, I only work 10 hours a week, I only work 2 hours a day, I've been able to bring my son along, and I've never felt stressed there. I'm starting to feel it. Maybe it's because of everything else going on around here. Matt knows that I don't want to do this job forever. I am only staying with it because we can use the extra income, and it's an easy way to get it. Where else could I find a job that 1) uses my teaching degree, 2) I only work 2 hours a day/4 days a week, 3) I can take my son along? No where! So the plan is for me to continue working here until Matt gets a sizable raise, Matt gets a new/better job, or until we have all our debt but the house paid for (student loans being most of that). I know this is something that Matt feels passionate about. He wants me to be able to quit this job. He would like for me to be at home full-time with Zachariah. Right now that just wouldn't work. So I have to find a way to continue to cope. Let's hope I can make it through the summer.